so much to do and so little time...

have you ever sat down and had deep thoughts, i mean profound life changing thoughts? i do. i have also decided that these thoughts i have, experiences and situations i find myself in are pseudo life changing. there is an art to expressing ones feelings through words and while I am sitting in bed at night waiting for my eyes to become heavy enough to sleep i think of all the fabulous things that i want to write and describe. it goes beyond that. as weird as it sounds, while i am thinking...i am also thinking as if i were reading a written text. maybe i am the only one who does that, maybe i am a little bit crazy. if anything it is an opportunity to review things that are going on in my life, stress about the little things that need not be stressed over, enjoy comfort, knowledge and love that i have in my life. let myself have unnecesary panic attacks without being a bother to someone else. fabulous things that should be put on paper, if not for myself for my children, for my children's children. what did my mother think about a week before she got married? what stressed did she have? what concerns plagued her mind? was appearance and the show of a wedding as important to her? was it that important to my nana (grandmother?)

non trivial quizzical thoughts are continually running through my mind. even with all of these questions and longing to know exactly how my mother and her mother felt...i still have yet to sit down and express what i am feeling so that MY children will know. why is that? how is that i know something is important to do (i.e. keep a journal) yet i am still too lazy to do it or just not interested (it takes a long time to hand write everything you are thinking! my brain goes 100 miles a minutes compared to the .24 miles a minute that my hand writes!) i find myself with so many ideas and goals that i have so little time to do it. then in addition to finding a time to properly document thoughts, feelings, emotions and just everyday doings...do i really want my children or even (future) husband reading that???? where is the line? do i keep a personal journal (diary for those under 16) that is for my eyes only? keep a spiritual journal to share with posterity? keep a everyday journal that is kosher for the kids to read??? i know the answer (well Monica, whatever you feel is appropriate.) unfortunately that is NOT what I want to hear. with that said, i come full circle to knowing it is important to keep a journal, but why do it if it is private, sacred thoughts and feelings? maybe you will have insight that my close minded self finds impossible to comprehend.